Hefty heads, heftier headlines.
Imagine if you will – the scariest Super Bowl imaginable. In the clip above, Owen Wilson is describing an armageddon-inducing meteor. To me – he may as well be describing … Continue Reading The Post-Apocalyptic Super Bowl Nightmare-Fuel Doomsday-Scenario That We Are Facing
Starting on Jan. 1, 2020, Oregon retail stores and restaurants can no longer provide single-use checkout bags. They also must, in most instances, charge at least five cents for paper … Continue Reading The Plastic Bag Ban In Oregon Is Bullshit
This has been a tough offseason to be a fan of the San Francisco Giants. Bruce Bochy retired. We lost Madison Bumgarner to the Diamondbacks. Our front office has not … Continue Reading Do Not Worry Giants Fans: Chris Shaw Likes Gabe Kapler
This is Part 2 in a series of how I am a better baseball player than NBA All-Stars Kevin Love and Klay Thompson. Click below for Part 1 in this … Continue Reading 2020 UPDATE: Kevin Love And Klay Thompson Ruined My Little League Dreams But Who Is The Better Baseball Player Now?
This was a big year for us at Hefty Headlines. 2019 was our first year of existence. What started as a hobby and a tool to make my friends laugh … Continue Reading Looking Back: 2019 At Hefty Headlines
The day is finally here. The reign of mediocrity is over in Dallas. Moments ago a source close to the Cowboys confirmed with me that Jason Garrett will not return … Continue Reading BREAKING: Jason Garrett Will Not Return As Head Coach Of The Dallas Cowboys in 2020 – SOURCE CONFIRMS
Last week was officially graded as an “ASS” week for NFL on TV in the Portland-Metro Area. Will this final week be any different? Let’s find out. Merry Christmas – … Continue Reading The Portland Metro Area Gets Decent NFL Games: Week 17
Big time botch job here. I forgot about the Saturday slate of NFL games. Thanks to my brother for reminding me. Unfortunately for me – I am too much of … Continue Reading BREAKING: I BOTCHED THE WEEK 16 NFL TV SCHEDULE
I made a huge mistake last week. I was naive enough to believe that we would actually get the Cowboys-Rams game on TV in the Portland area. Without any heads … Continue Reading The Portland Metro Area Gets ASS NFL Games: Week 16
Many contributors to Hefty Headlines were invited to participate in our poll before the bowls. Every member of the crew participated. Hefty Headlines Top 10 Poll: Before the Bowls Our … Continue Reading College Football Rankings: Before The Bowls
Last week was officially graded as a “superb” week for NFL on TV in the Portland-Metro Area. Will this week be any different? Let’s find out. Here is what we … Continue Reading The Portland Metro Area Gets OK NFL Games: Week 15
The College Football Playoff Committee had a pretty easy job when they announced the top four teams. It was obvious to everyone that LSU, Clemson, Ohio State and Oklahoma would … Continue Reading What If…College Football Playoff Scenarios
Only five teams have played in the CFP Championship: Oregon, Ohio State, Clemson, Alabama, and Georgia. No #1 seed or #3 seed has ever won the college football playoff title. … Continue Reading College Football Playoff: Random Observations While I Am Bored At Work
I was scrolling D3 twitter this evening when I stumbled upon another ridiculous D3 football offer tweet. As a former D3 two-sport athlete – I still cannot believe that this … Continue Reading Does The Head Football Coach At George Fox Have The Worst Signature Of All Time?
The holiday season. A time to be with the ones you love. A time to buy gifts for the people you care about. Presents are the best way to show someone … Continue Reading Which Neighbor Stole My Amazon Package?
