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I Got Dumped: How To Recover From A Breakup

Listen, I’ve been through this before. I am the king of super-intense-short-term-relationships-with-girls-that-are-probably-too-young-for-me. Things seem like they are going great – from my perspective – and then they end. Here is my guide for recovering from a breakup and getting back out there.

Movies To Watch

Forgetting Sarah Marshall – This helps you remember that even when you are dating a gorgeous Kristen Bell, if things turn sour there is always a Mila Kunis out there.

50/50 – JGL gets cancer and finds out that Ron Howard’s daughter is cheating on him. He gets a dog, goes to therapy, gets healthy, and his therapist (Anna Kendrick) falls in love with him in the process. I got dumped, but at least my ex didn’t cheat on me (probably) and I don’t have cancer.

The Martian – Just a really good movie, in my opinion.

A Star Is Born – Even an older guy with a drinking problem can attract an up-and-coming superstar, so why shouldn’t I be able to? Also a great reminder that things are probably going to end awfully at some point – what you’re going through right now isn’t as bad as finding your spouse hanging in the garage.

Swingers – Maybe not even the whole movie, but specifically the answering machine scene. We have all been there.

Apps

Download all the dating apps. Every single one (of the good ones). Even if you aren’t ready to date – get some attention. Hinge, Bumble, Tinder, OKcupid, The League, and Match (but I’m not paying for it).

Have Your Best Friend’s Wives Pick Apart The Appearance Of Your Ex Even If Your Ex Is Very Attractive

This is not ideal, but it helps. Some people can find flaws in your former-partner that you are unable to. When those flaws are magnified and put into writing it can really help with the grieving process.

Exercise

I may not always do this, but talking about it helps. There is always the idea that I could get my revenge by getting into better shape than I was in when I dated that person. They’ll really regret ending things when I am back down to my out of shape college weight, instead of my out of shape adult weight.

Be So Sad That You Eat Less

This kind of goes along with exercising. If you are eating less, you will lose weight. Sure, it is kind of a cheat way to kick start getting into shape, but I’ll take everything I can at this point.

Have A Dog

My dog is awesome. Even if you are in a depressive post-breakup spiral, your dog will force you to get out of the house. They are always there for you and will stand by you no matter what is going on. It is really hard to be a sad-boy with a dog around.

Do Your Own Thing

Play video games. Binge some shows. Waste some money. Go out with friends. Before long, you’ll be dating someone else and will never have this amount of freedom again.

– Buzz

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Life

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