Hefty heads, heftier headlines.
Starting on Jan. 1, 2020, Oregon retail stores and restaurants can no longer provide single-use checkout bags. They also must, in most instances, charge at least five cents for paper … Continue Reading The Plastic Bag Ban In Oregon Is Bullshit
This is Part 2 in a series of how I am a better baseball player than NBA All-Stars Kevin Love and Klay Thompson. Click below for Part 1 in this … Continue Reading 2020 UPDATE: Kevin Love And Klay Thompson Ruined My Little League Dreams But Who Is The Better Baseball Player Now?
This was a big year for us at Hefty Headlines. 2019 was our first year of existence. What started as a hobby and a tool to make my friends laugh … Continue Reading Looking Back: 2019 At Hefty Headlines
The holiday season. A time to be with the ones you love. A time to buy gifts for the people you care about. Presents are the best way to show someone … Continue Reading Which Neighbor Stole My Amazon Package?
Weird – if you stop eating garbage and exercise regularly, you get in better shape. Who would have thought? I started this crusade against being fat on September 3rd. Today … Continue Reading I Decided To Stop Being Fat The Other Day: Mid-November Update
For the uninformed – a Cameroomie is a roommate from Cameroon. My previous roommate had an interesting story. An immigrant from Cameroom – he was lucky enough to come work … Continue Reading What Actually Happened To My Cameroomie?
What a wild and emotional day this has been. I have suffered through a lot. I feel like I have persevered through this recent attack and come out a better … Continue Reading UPDATE: Reddit User 615huncho615 Has Clapped Back – Did I Clap Back Harder?
Once in a while I will share a blog post on Reddit. I try to post within the correct community. For the most part – people have made me feel … Continue Reading Reddit User 615huncho615 Absolutely Destroyed Me Today – Is My Head Going To Be Cracked?
I have always thought of myself as athletic. Not like guy with a six pack athletic. More like a guy that plays real sports athletic. Not ripped, but also, nothing … Continue Reading I Decided To Stop Being Fat The Other Day
“If you’re Asian like I am, and you want to date another Asian like I do, Y’all should check out this app…” The cute Asian girl shouts this at me … Continue Reading Is Snapchat Encouraging Me To Play With Knives And Only Date Asian People?
I have learned a number of things throughout my time as an eligible bachelor. There are the worn-out and over-used ways to approach women, and then there are the productive … Continue Reading How To Approach Women On Dating Apps – Part 1: Cracking The Code To Finding Your Soulmate
I was running the Oregon Zoo’s annual Turkey Trot – and I was struggling. As my brother and I looped back around and headed up the hill on our way … Continue Reading Are Yoga Pants Really That Comfortable Or Do They Just Make My Dumper Look Better?
Do athletic apparel brands care about regular people? Is there something wrong with me where I don’t deserve free stuff? I work a very admirable job as an elementary school … Continue Reading Athletic Apparel Companies Sponsor Criminals – Will They Sponsor Me, A Teacher?
Listen, I’ve been through this before. I am the king of super-intense-short-term-relationships-with-girls-that-are-probably-too-young-for-me. Things seem like they are going great – from my perspective – and then they end. Here is … Continue Reading I Got Dumped: How To Recover From A Breakup
With each year of this life I learn more and more. As I get older I have discovered that the majority of the time I can get through things without … Continue Reading Blue Apron Burned My Balls: Mom, Where’s The Aloe?
“I have no optimism that anything I do will end this diarrhea and I haven’t shit like a normal human since Sunday Morning.” – Me, to my Kaiser Permanente Doctor … Continue Reading Pissing Out My Asshole: Diarrhea At Disneyland And My Clash With Kaiser Permanente
