Hefty heads, heftier headlines.
“If you’re Asian like I am, and you want to date another Asian like I do, Y’all should check out this app…” The cute Asian girl shouts this at me … Continue Reading Is Snapchat Encouraging Me To Play With Knives And Only Date Asian People?
I have learned a number of things throughout my time as an eligible bachelor. There are the worn-out and over-used ways to approach women, and then there are the productive … Continue Reading How To Approach Women On Dating Apps – Part 1: Cracking The Code To Finding Your Soulmate
I was running the Oregon Zoo’s annual Turkey Trot – and I was struggling. As my brother and I looped back around and headed up the hill on our way … Continue Reading Are Yoga Pants Really That Comfortable Or Do They Just Make My Dumper Look Better?
Do athletic apparel brands care about regular people? Is there something wrong with me where I don’t deserve free stuff? I work a very admirable job as an elementary school … Continue Reading Athletic Apparel Companies Sponsor Criminals – Will They Sponsor Me, A Teacher?
Listen, I’ve been through this before. I am the king of super-intense-short-term-relationships-with-girls-that-are-probably-too-young-for-me. Things seem like they are going great – from my perspective – and then they end. Here is … Continue Reading I Got Dumped: How To Recover From A Breakup
With each year of this life I learn more and more. As I get older I have discovered that the majority of the time I can get through things without … Continue Reading Blue Apron Burned My Balls: Mom, Where’s The Aloe?
“I have no optimism that anything I do will end this diarrhea and I haven’t shit like a normal human since Sunday Morning.” – Me, to my Kaiser Permanente Doctor … Continue Reading Pissing Out My Asshole: Diarrhea At Disneyland And My Clash With Kaiser Permanente
On a midsummer night in July of 2001, my little league dreams were shattered. Every all-star dreams of making the trek out to Williamsport and living out their fantasy of … Continue Reading Kevin Love And Klay Thompson Ruined My Little League Dreams But Who Is The Better Baseball Player Now?
